The Family Journey

We all remember that nostalgic "what if" moment in our lives, when doubt causes us to question if the choices we've made are the right ones – the best ones. It's the moment when we realize the odds of defeating some unbeatable obstacle are slim to none. While people can't deny the power of regret, persistence through hard times will yield the biggest rewards and most meaningful lessons learned. We should use understanding to look back at these past experiences, and to learn and grow from our mistakes. John Di Lemme once wrote that "the key of persistence opens all doors closed by resistance." In “Warriors Don’t Cry” by Melba Pattillo Beals, the author signed up with a group of eight others to take part in a trial of integration at the segregated Little Rock High School in Arkansas, in 1957. Although Melba had to carry the heavy burden of endangering her community, she remained strong for the sake of the future. With the help of her family along the way, she succeeded in giving freedom and equality a new meaning.

Everyone has their own definition of the word "freedom" and the memories associated with it. During the 1970s, when the Vietnam War was nearing its end, my parents and their individual families made their way separately across the Atlantic Ocean to live the American Dream. Even though I did not take part in enduring this journey with them, my parents related that their displacement brought them into contact with many unforeseen obstacles. They struggled tirelessly against language barriers, the unfamiliarity of a new culture, and the crippling burden of financial hardship. After suffering through the hardships of war and immigration, my parents attained some semblance of this dream to give my sister and me a normal life. Part of their journey was the transition from Arizona to California, an event which significantly changed my life, but also helped shape me into a stronger and independent person.

            We were fortunate living in Arizona, but our family always wanted to end up in California. My dad was living his dream managing his first successful restaurant, Miss Saigon. Ever since my grandma moved to Arizona as our head chef, Miss Saigon prospered due to her talent. But after four years, my grandma itched to move back to California where most of her family on my mother’s side resided. Of course the restaurant could have went on without her - but after much debate, the family decided to take a leap of faith and start a new life in California. In preparation of leaving, Miss Saigon was sold to Steve – my dad’s best friend - and our beautiful house was left unattended until it could be sold. Letters of resignation were turned in, and transfer school papers were readied. Within two weeks, we had said our goodbyes and were on the road to Southern California.  

            In 2008, the move to California marked the beginning of our persevering struggle.   We have grown accustomed to moving back and forth a handful of times, except this time things were different: we had left everything behind to continue my dad’s dream. After getting settled in, the family quickly started where they left off: they bought and renovated a restaurant in Cypress, CA and reused its original name, Pho #9. Everyone had a role at the restaurant that they had to take care of during their free time. My sister and I both went to school, and afterwards, we would be servers during the dinner rush working only for tips. My mom worked at a nail salon every day, so she took care of closing the restaurant and double checking receipts. The ones that were there throughout the day would be my grandma and dad, who took care of everything from cleaning, cooking, to customers. There was a steady amount of customers every other day, but at the end of the month, the profit margin never rose due to the bad location.   

        

            Financially, we continued to dig ourselves into a bigger hole. The house in Arizona couldn’t sell due to the bad economy. We continued to pay the mortgage as well as rent for our place in Orange County. As time went by, the sale price on the home gradually decreased to below asking price, until someone finally bought it after a year. It didn’t make up for the cost of a decade’s worth of renovating, but at least it was out of our hands. After a couple years of Pho#9’s opening, things continued to spiral downwards. Our savings was nearly depleted, and my parents had taken out multiple loans during renovation, some even in my name. Even if we wanted to move locations, we couldn’t afford to rent a place where Asian restaurants were booming. While on the verge of closing doors on my dad’s dream, an office next door to Pho #9 proposed a business deal. A couple others in the business plaza had already invested in the proposal, so my parents quickly agreed to hand over the last several thousand in cash. The profit return was said to be available within a number of months, so the restaurant remained open while we waited patiently. After about two weeks, a “For Rent” sign went up for the office next door. Phone calls went straight to voicemail and emails no longer functioned – my parents had been scammed out of their final savings. The only thing left to do was to dust our “For Rent” sign and close up the restaurant for good.

Letty Pogreblin once said, “if the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable.” In times like these, it was important that our family stick together and help each other get through. It was no longer possible to continue renting the house in Orange County, so we moved in with my grandparents that lived nearby. The four of us shared the master bedroom, while my grandparents had the only other available room. The idea was to split the rent with them, but the problem was that everyone was unemployed. My mom took care of us with food stamps that we were now eligible for, along with her pay from the nail salon. My dad sold his car - a ’95 Cadillac - and started carpooling with my mom whenever needed. I even started selling off my personal belongings – clothes, furniture, and video games - on eBay to help out with rent, but also to pay for gas to get me to school. After a couple months, my dad got hired as a server for a restaurant, but everything we earned went towards paying off the mountain of debt we had buried ourselves in. After some time, I decided to take a permanent break from school to find a full time job to help my parents with their burden. 

                       

            During these desperate times, it was only normal for our family to turn to God to answer our prayers. I began to feel trapped in this never ending cycle of work and paying off my parents’ debt.  Praying was the only thing left that helped us remain strong. Attending church became a regular thing since it was the only time that the family was able to spend time together. Around summer time, some family members from Arizona came to visit for vacation. As we gathered to have lunch, it became a long meeting about our financial troubles. This was also the first time in many years that I saw my mom break down in tears. Our prayers were finally answered: my aunts and uncles wanted to take care of our problems. A couple thousand was given to my dad to buy a used car. The rest decided to take over paying off the debt monthly, while the money we make can go towards bettering our lives. For once, things were starting to look up again.

           

As we gradually rebuilt our family’s foundation, things were starting to look on the bright side. My dad got promoted to assistant manager, but he also had to take on more hours. Although it meant less time with the family, it was his way of quickly getting back on his feet. I also got promoted to computer sales, which I continued working full time. This time around, I was able to save everything I made. By the end of the year, I was able to move to northern California. Living on my own is surprisingly hard, but I gained a lot of experience taking care of myself during our hard times. I also started going to school again, but this time it was different. I’m going to try my absolute best in graduating, in hopes of someday allowing my parents to retire early.

           

When we journey through life, there will be countless times when we want to give up. Instead of taking the easy way out, we should learn from it and push forward. I grew up spoiled by my parents until I got a wake up call that motivated me to keep my priorities straight. By experiencing these hardships, I have been molded into a stronger, more capable individual who would never allow my family to be in poverty again.